new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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