Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
i think im in europe. pls send help
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
