Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
