I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
