Those balls look pretty dangerous.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
