My nipple is on Facebook.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
