New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
