Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
