Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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