Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
