If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
