It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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