Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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