Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
