you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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