I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Brb crying the tears of my youth
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
