Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
