Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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