I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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