Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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