Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
