hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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