Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
