Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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