The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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