I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
