i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
