At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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