I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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