When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
