At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
