im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
