I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
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