I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
