did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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