he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
