god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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