Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I FOUND THE LEGS
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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