I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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