Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
