we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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