i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
