he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i just sent this text using only my big toe
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
this is an emotional support booty call
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
