i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
