I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
