Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
