did you get engaged???
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
