Kiss
Puke
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
