Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
