I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
