Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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